Thursday, May 24, 2012

amusing stories from Boston

A note before i begin this entry. i am not usually a petty person. I get over shit fast, especially if someone has the balls to appologize to me. I can easily forgive people, with few exceptions, 6'8 boyfriend would fit in that category. Unless i just realllly realllly don't like you, and generally my only reason for not liking someone is because they are a terrible person, inside and out. And this person fits into this category and you will probably feel the way i do after reading this entry.

So Monday Mark, his band of friends and I went up to Boston to see Rancid. It was a splendid day, nice weather. mark and i hit the aquarium and had an $70 lunch and bought a ton of new Vinyl records. We bought half pints of booze and drank by the water, (my first time drinking since february and it went well for those who were wondering). We walked over the House of Blues about a half hour before the show, which is RIGHT next to fenway park, which i have never been to, so I'm in my glory. Anyway, a friend of mine, Vanessa, was supposed to come with my mortal enemy, stephanie. Well when stephanie turns up, Vanessa isn't there and has instead brought our buddy Tom. Now, i have nothing against Tom, in fact out of all of Marks friends, Tom is one of my favorites but then it dawns on me, "Oh shit, we're the only two chicks. The guys are going to be moshing and shit and Mark is going to expect me to stand with Stephanie all night.FUUUUUUUCK!!"

Why do i dislike Stephanie so much? Let me put it this way, in 7th and 8th grade, her and her little fucker friends, who i had never spoken to, had no similar friends and didn't even know what they looked like until the yearbook came out, decided to harasss me MERCELISLY I MIGHT ADD, on aol instant messenger...for MONTHS. Ok, I had done nothing to these people to provoke this kind of attention and i ended up having to rat on them and almost get them arrested for this horrible bullying to stop. I was devestated. i mean if they had known me or i tried to steal a boyfriend or i was a bitch to them, something to validate this bullying it wouldn't have hurt so much, BUT with absolutly no reason behind it, it killed me. And the icing on the cake, i run into stephanie and her crew a few years later, and they don't even remember harrassing me. WHAT THE FUCK! They made my life a living hell and didn't even remember doing it. Stephanie's friends quickly appologized but it took her twenty minutes of me saying, "just appologize and it's cool" for her to finally give me a half assed, "I'm sorry."

The thing that i love the most about this story is she used to be incredibly popular with tons of friends. And FINALLY over the years people started to realize what a dumb asshole she is and no one wants to hang out with her and no one likes her. And she is CONSTANTLY trying to regain that former glory and attention from guys and her tight group of evil chick friends and she can't do it. And it's so entertaining to me. 

So over the years, when i run into her I have been seeking my revenge. Revenge generally isn't my thing but the thing is, she's such a dumb bimbo, SHE MAKES IT SOOO EASY I CAN'T RESIST! And she's afraid of me too, so it's fucking awesome. Instance number one, she throws a party at her house after Mark and I first start dating and I go to her house and get hammered. I mean hammered, i start wandering around the party making up blatant lies about her and spreading them all around the house. I stole booze from what i can only assume was her parents stash. I fucking went in every bathroom in her house and put every single toothbrush in the toilet, spit on her deodarant, eyeliner pens thrown in toilet, anything i could think of. And the worst part, i don't even feel bad about it. With anyone else, i would feel some remorse, but with her, those scars run deep and karmas a fucking bitch. Plus, it's so hard to feel sorry for her when you hear her talk, that nasally, girly, "Heeeeeeeeyyyyy" voice, you know the one.

So, here i am in the House of Blues, and i lose our entire group of guy friends at check in and I'm stuck with her. Fuck...i need that soco is not going to last me all night. So, we go get beer. And i try to avoid her at alllll fucking costs, but it's just not working out. While we're outside having a cigarette she says she thinks the bassist in Mark's friends band is hot. She's been hitting on the guitarest all night, but i like him so I don't want to screw him over and a plan dawns on me. From rumors i had heard, Zach is a man whore and I would pay good money to see this. So I corner zack while she's getting her like 7th beer.
"Yo zack, Stephanie says she wants your balls. She said your wicked hot, you should make a move on her."
(this is word for word i swear to god) And that's all it took. I went out for a cigarette and Mark comes out to tell me they were making out full on and he was feeling her up. AHAHAHAHAHAHA!! I'm standing with his friend's and as they are all cracking up I fucking go "I did that! I made this possible!"

And the "Poor Zach" comments are made but mostly everyone is patting me on the back. Then literally, not even 10 minutes after Zach comes up to our group and says, "I better not hear any shit out of ANY of you on the car ride home." He already regretted his decision. And, i later found out that right before he went in to kiss her asked her, "Do you have herpes?" Seriously, for any other girl, that would be a slap in the face, not for Stephanie. She simply answered no and kissed him.

So periodically during the night she would have to run to the bathroom (typical drunk chick, every 5 minutes) so she'd leave her beer with me. At least 3 times I'd down her beer and make up some excuse, "Oh somebody took it," or "It fell over". Anyway, Rancid is about to come on and Mark wants to mosh but his overprotectivness knows no bounds. he says to me, "Stay with Stephanie off to the side, I don't want you going in the pit." And I nod and say yup...ok...sure. Rancid comes on and when Mark isn't looking, i ditch dumb bimbo and bolt for the mosh pit. It was amazing. i was throwing dudes around twice my weight, and having an amazing time. Gradually throughout the set, i made my way to the front, taking no prisoners. Shoving people aside and being rude as hell but goddamnit, THIS IS RANCID! Midset, i was against the barrier in front of Matt Freeman, the bassist and screaming the lyrics to my hearts content. It was the most amazing show i've ever been too. Any other concert, I'm standing there thinking "When is this going to be over...i wanna sit down...i want a's hot and i'm sweaty and this sucks" Nope. This show felt like it only lasted 15 minutes, it was amazing. I couldn't feel my ribs slowly being bruised by the metal barrier or my voice slowly going into non-existance. It was wonderful. The end of the show they throw out the drumsticks and goddamnit, i had the damn stick in my left hand before some bitch grabbed it and disapeared into the crowd. It was so heartbreaking.

We all end up outside, drenched in our own and other peoples sweat, bruised, winded, and as for myself without a voice. Stephanie finally emerges....two songs in she got kicked out of the show. She traveled two hours to the city to see this concert and she got kicked out. And then, as we're walking to our cars, in the middle of a public sidewalk, she stops, pulls her pants down and pisses IN PUBLIC on the sidewalk and then makes tom drive home because she's so hammered.

All in all, it was the greatest show I've ever been to in my life and reafirming the fact that i am awesome and she sucks makes me happy. Even though i know it shouldnt....

Monday, May 14, 2012

happy birthday to me

I had the most amazing birthday a girl could ask for. Mark bought me a keurig, the best one out there and i am absolutly in love with it! And also in love with the fact that i no longer have to leave 20 mins early for work and buy a 3 dollar coffee at dunkin anymore. We met with our realtor and saw 5 houses, we fell in love with one house, a split level. Hardwood floors, breakfast bar, sliding door to the deck and amazing kitchen. A few stairs leading to the basement, with a door leading to a two car garage, then more steps down to another basement. Oh my god it was magnificent but unfortunatly the roof needed for be redone as well as windows and siding, totaled to about $20,000 worth of work. :( what a disapointment. So we found nothing that day, but we're getting out there and it's great. My parents threw me my first birthday party in i can't tell you how long. It was perfect. They bought olive garden, chicken parm and a gallon of chicken gnoche soup (yummmm) and while everyone else feasted on that, i was special and got my own dish, stuffed chicken marsala. They even bought a frank sinatra cd and a tuscan cd to play while we ate, while the house was decorated with green and red streamers (get it...Italy). They got me a giant hello kitty balloon and the most adorable hello kitty cake. I love my parents, i couldn't ask for a better family, it was perfect and i could not tell them how grateful i was for all the trouble they went to. In all i banked about two hundred 70 dollars from the fam. My mom bought me new martini glasses from party lite, i dont know how she found them because they were discontinued and i unfortunaly broke all three of mine but i was so grateful to have them back and they smell wonderful. Then we had a family game of wiffle ball on spellman field, i was on a team with my 7 year old girlie cousin, who was more interested in cheerleading, and my cousin with down syndrome, but i doubled my efforts and kicked butt.

Thursday, mark and i went to Newport, RI. We stayed in a lovely hotel right on the water and walked around the town all day. We had sushi for lunch and found the most amazing finds at a vinyl record shop, we had to have spent over $100 bucks on records alone but it was so worth it. I found "And out come the wolves" by rancid, a minor threat album and "Freaky stylie" by the red hot chilli peppers. Score. And we found a pair of pink handcuffs at the army store which were put to use quick haste in our hotel room. But you didn't need to know that ;). We walked about 5 miles to the casino, which was a bust. Took our first cab ride ever because i was not walking another 5 miles home. And had the most amazing meal i've ever had in my life at the Red parrot. Oh my god, their french onion soup had soooo much cheese and bread and wasn't salty at all, like every other place i get it. I had tilapia stuffed with lobster, smothered in lobster sauce. To die for, and even had big lobster claws stuffed in it. For dessert, Chocolate ice cream with brownies, chopped walnuts, peanut butter sauce, hot fudge, smothered in whipped cream. Oh. My. God. We ended the day with a quick dip in the salt water pool which we had to ourselves and it was lovely.

Friday, we went to the zoo in providence. I love the roger williams zoo!!! By far, my favorites were the river otter, zebras, giraffes, elephants and the most cuddly looking red panda of all time. We went in the amazon room and for some reason there was no fense between us and this tiny monkey. i generally hate monkeys, can't trust 'em, but we were so close to this little guy he was chirping at mark and before a bunch of yelling children came by, he almost jumped to him. It was fantastic. And in the gift shop while i tried to decide between the red panda and river otter stuffed animals, mark scooped 'em up and bought me both. I love them, although i told myself i would not buy anymore stuffed animals on this trip. I can't help myself. Their so cute!!

I feel so grateful. For my family and Mark. They made this the greatest birthday i could ask for. It was just too much. i dont know what i did to deserve all these great things from these people but i'm so fucking happy.