Sunday, February 24, 2013

so we got our puppy last Monday. I love him sooo much already, but I'm telling you, it is HARD WORK! We are trying to crate train him, he is just too adventurous and troublesome to let him roam around the house while we sleep. I was expecting him to cry all night long the first night, but that wasn't the case. We (and by we I mostly mean I) have to take him out generally around 3am and then again at 6am. The 6am time is the hardest, all he wants to do is play and all I want to do is go back to sleep. So I put him in his crate and he screams and cries for like 10 minutes before I give up and get up with him. Needless to say, I'm not sleeping much. Luckily, Mark will be on vacation next week, almost exclusively for the puppy so I will at least have a few days where I don't have to get up, I hope. He is teething so I have to leave my shoes on the stairs (oh my god, he's so small he cant climb the stairs yet) and he's starting to enjoy biting our feet and any other extremities that come near his mouth. Just yesterday he was able to bite my nipple threw my shirt, those tiny puppy teeth hurt! But at the same time, he's a total love, with Mark working he's become a total mamas boy, snugglin and sleeping with me on the couch and giving me stinky puppy kisses, ahhh he's so cute. I guess the most difficult thing has been the potty training. You have to take him out after he sleeps, after he plays, after he eats, pretty much after he does anything because of his small bladder. he's still having quite a few accidents in the house but for the most part, every time we take him outside he at least does something. Although, he does like to hold in his poops, which is so annoying. One day I had fed him breakfast and lunch and I followed him around for like 7 hours because he would not shit! It was only after Mark came home from work and took him outside that he did.

Aside from that, I've been a bit stressed, with my back still bothering me and Mark working extra hours to cover me being out of work, so I'm a full time puppysitter. I had a really good session with my new chiropractor on Friday, and it's sunday and I've had only a bit of discomfort all weekend. it wasn't until about 10:30 last night that I had to take my anti-inflammatory which is very good. And even though I have to get up early every morning, I am finally starting to sleep. I have a little over a week left of my disability and I am truly not looking forward to walking back into that pharmacy. My pharmacist was such an ass he got one of our best techs to finally throw her jacket down and say, "I quit." Nancy was my rock, the person I could turn to during any stressful time, the person who stood up for me, with that gone, I really cant see myself working that job much longer. I don't know how they are even getting by, at this moment, with Nancy quitting and me on disability we only have like  2 fulltime techs, that is ridiculous. I'm just so worried that after a few days back all the stress will build up and my back will hurt once again. I just need to get out of there, I need something stable, something that doesn't have me ripping my hair out and cursing the human race everytime I leave. This two weeks off has really given me some insight on everything I've been missing in life, how rarely I actually take the time to enjoy and laugh and love. I was incredibly stressed out over my quack chiropractor and the pain I was in and getting paid while being out of work and I found my self thinking about infinity, will all these problems bother me in a month from now, or a year, or when i'm 55? No, these are short term issues, things that will one day be in the distant past with no anxiety attached...and somehow that really helped me to start letting go of that anxiety, and let me sleep at night and concentrate on healing. It's something I've never been able to do, I always let this anxieties and issues and evil things people say and do fester in my mind, I can never truly let them go, even after someone apologizes of the issue is resolved. I'm hoping I figured something out that will benefit me once this leave is over.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

shit shit shit shit shit

i'm done with this dealing with doctors, not getting a straight answer, having to deal with this pain all on my own with no medication, being told i'm lying, people who act concerned but when I break down and they aren't there for me, people walking all tell me it's fucking stress? you know what the biggest cause of stress in my life is right now??? This fucking pain that is there for no apparent fucking reason and even though I feel like i'm doing everything in my fucking power to fix it, it doesn't get any fucking better!! Fuck this.

Saturday, February 16, 2013

there i think that gets my point across

Dear Dr. L******,

when i showed up at your office, I was at the end of my rope. Having suffered back pain for weeks on end with no relief whatsoever. My doctor as you know had sent me for an MRI that i could not afford and i was due back to work any day so i needed to get this issue fixed so i could get my life back and get back to work. I googled chiropractors in my area and you were the first to come up. I watched your little video on your web site and even went on other web sites to read reviews, i thought i was putting myself in good hands and would fix this issue so i could get my life back. Upon calling your office, i felt good, the receptionist was very nice and told me to come in immediately and it seemed like you were going to launch into a full scale attack on the problem. I was there for about four hours, you sent me for X-rays, and it seemed as if you were trying to pin point the problem for me. Upon seeing the xrays, initally you told me there was nothing too serious and nothing that i should worry about. After asking me about my life, you attributed the cause to be stress, mostly from work, but it was nothing severe and treatment shouldn’t take too long. Then you cracked my back, directed me to start taking vitamins, set up 3 more sessions and sent me on my way. I felt no relief after that first session, no matter how audible you made that crack sound, this should have been a warning sign, yet i had never been to a chiropractor so i didn’t know what to expect.

Through all my sessions with you, i never got any relief and all along you were telling me, “It’s a process and it will take time,” and i believed you, what do i know? you know that joke you tell, i’ve heard it twice, both to myself on the first day and when you met my fiance, “Have you ever been to a chiropractor before? Neither have I.” I realize now, it’s not to put a smile on my face, but to weed out the suckers. Through every session with you, you never sent me home with any stretches i could do, or any advice as to whether i should be icing my back or applying heat. You even instructed me to stop taking my pain medication, something that was nearly impossible with the level of pain i was enduring and essentially killing me because again, i was getting no relief from your sessions. I believe it was my third session with you where you said i would be out of this whole thing in no time, it was nothing too severe, and “You weren’t one of those doctors who wants me to be in treatment for too long, i want you to be out of here.” All along you were telling me, it’s just stress causing things to not line up properly and you’ll have me out of there in no time. And then came the session with Mark where you dropped the bomb.

For someone who has been in pain for almost a month, with no relief and no idea what is wrong, i was willing to believe anything. After all, it seemed as if you and your staff were such nice people, wanting nothing but the best for me, I mean you were even nice enough to give my your home phone number and on the first night i got a phone call to see how i was doing, why would these people want to betray me? You had informed me going into this meeting that we would discuss a treatment plan, that i could from home, requiring little to no visits to your office. Suddenly, your telling me this problem is very severe, I’m totally out of alignment, I will need to be in treatment for a year or degeneration will start. That’s enough to scare anyone. But tell me, you had those X-rays since day one, why didn’t any of that ever come up before? Why did you never tell me this was a severe problem? Why did you tell me that i would be out of this in a few weeks? I guess your first mistake was inviting Mark to this little pow-wow because he can smell bullshit from a mile away. How you came up with your figures that I’ll be in the stages of degeneration is a 90% chance, i don’t know. You were using scare tactics, using big words you knew i don’t understand (i did not go to medical school), to scare me into rushing into this therapy. Three times a week and a year of my time to get me out of this, i don’t think so. Of course, I’ve always been taught to have good manners, i’ve heard bullshit before, so I sat there and listened to your little schpeal, only to know i would never contact your office again. As you knew from the beginning, i don’t have a lot of money, i passed on the MRI because i could not afford $500, now what made you think i would pay three grand?

After leaving your office, i called a physical therapy place in Enfield for a second opinion. The woman informed me that she could not get me in for PT until next week but i could meet with their chiropractor so i could at least get some relief before the weekend. I stopped her right there, “Wait a second, i thought being treated by a chiropractor was a process and takes time.” she laughed at me stating that no, i should get relief, even if it’s only for a little while, after every session. She then proceeded to ask me what i was doing at home, which is nothing. You gave me no exercises to do from home or even instruction on whether to apply heat or ice. She told me i needed to start icing my back as soon as possible.

So, I met with the chiropractor on friday. he took my medical history and asked me to explain how you treated me. he seemed kind of shocked that you never applied heat, or electrodes or did any sort of tissue work before you aligned me. When i told him that you expected me to be in your office 3 times a week and spend a year of my time in your office, he said he could tell already that was not necessary, even going to the length to say, “If i needed you in here three times a week, i would change how i was treating you because apparently it’s not working.” He applied heat and electrodes to my back to loosen things up and then did the graston technique, and after month of being in pain, i felt some relief, he didn’t even have to align me. he even gave me exercises to do outside of the appointments to help with healing, something you never did for me.

I would also like to say, that you completely screwed up my short term disability paperwork. Yes, i am stressed about my job, but that is not why I’m not there at the moment. For reasons as to why I’m not in work you put neck pain (you treated my neck one time the entire time i saw you) and stress from work as the second reason. That would make this a workers comp claim, kind of hard to explain that when i dont even have a therapist or a psychiatrist. You didn’t even mention the back pain, which is the entire reason i cant work, because im in pain, not because i’m stressed. yeah, i’m stressed, but that would not keep me home for three weeks, I’m in pain, i can’t stand for long periods of time, the pain causes me to be unable to concentrate, so therefore i cannot do my job. This makes me think that you never actually listened to a word I ever said. And the fact that after one session with this chiropractor and feeling relief, when after about three with you where i got nothing, i believe you were withholding treatment from me. Even during our meeting, you said it would be over a month before you would give me exercises to do from home.

Lucky for me, my fiance is not an idiot and not many things in my life are worth three thousand dollars where i would actually go through with it. You should be ashamed of yourself, taking advantage of someone who is truly in need of help, withholding treatment, lying to me, and then going as far as trying to scam me. But unfortunately, because of your improper filling out of my FMLA paperwork, I may not get paid while i am out of work, you’ve caused even more extra stress on my life that i do not need right now. Lucky for me, my new chiropractor was more than willing to fill out the paperwork (properly) and I’m hoping to get your ridiculous testimony thrown out. I’ve always heard about there being quacks in chiropractic medicine, and now i have witnessed it first hand. Anywhere I go, i will tell people of the bullshit you put me through, with your false diagnosis and ridiculous, over-priced and ineffective treatment plans. You have turned my life into a nightmare, caused me nothing but problems and completely shaken my confidence in both doctors and human beings. And although you will never feel the slightest bit of remorse, I at least wanted you to hear what i had to say. Lucky for me, I got out early and was able to find help, from professionals, people who can actually help me and have the desire to help me instead of draining my bank account. Thank you for being yet another stereotype of a supposed medical professional, when all you really are is a crook.


Christina Spellman

P.S. It was a really dumb move on your part to park your fancy, expensive sports car in front of your office when you decided to make your little sales pitch to me. I’m not making a years worth of car payments for you.
(whether I'll actually have the guts to ever send this I don't know, but it felt good to write it out)

the good, the bad...

yesterday I met with the chiropractor at the physical therapy place. He's not overly friendly, the way my previous chiropractor was (because he was trying to make a sale), yet helpful, and professional. He took my history and examined me and I explained what the quack had told me (3 times a week for a year, degeneration,etc.) he says to me, "Look, i'm going to tell you right off the bat, none of that is necessary. And if I had to see you three times a week for that long of a period of time, I would change my therapy plan because obviously it's not working." I like him already, right off the bat, he agreed to fill out my paperwork for FMLA, and i'm realllly hoping I can get them to throw out the previous guys statement and close this whole stress, and workers comp investigation. I'm not working because im in pain, not because the place stresses me out. Besides, it's not just work that's causing stress in my life, take finances for example. He applied to electodes to stimulate my back along with heat, then he started this thing called the gaston technique. he puts this cream on my back and scrapes a dull metal tool across my back, to chip away some of the bad stuff and promote healing. He told me some people say it feels really good, some say they barely feel it, some say its excruciating, unfortunaly im one of the people who says it's excruciating. He didn't even have to adjust me, but once I left his office, I already felt and improvement and  was even able to go to bed without taking a vicodin. That's how a chiropractor is supposed to feel? no way...although it didn't last, I woke up in a little bit of pain, I was able to sleep last night and at least for a few hours feel somewhat better.

After his appointment I went and saw my primary care doctor, who can be kind of a dick. he feels my back once, and does the reflexes in my knees and says, "I don't know why your in pain, you shouldn't be in pain." Well fucktard, I don't know why im in pain either, I just want it to go away and get my life back. he starts going on and on about stress (great, another thing for FMLA not to approve my claim) and says that these PT people aren't going to be able to help me and throws some Cymbalta samples at me. He's refusing to refill my vicodin prescription, but he gave me an anti-inflammatory instead. I'm hoping this won't be an issue, i'm hoping in seeing these new people I can get this whole thing under control because really that's what I want before I start launching into this whole scale brigade of psychiatrists and therapists and prescription drugs. It just pisses me off, I dumped my psych doc maybe a month or two ago and managed to (by myself) taper off the Xanax. I really just don't want to have to depend on those meds again, and the Cymbalta (the one anti-depressant that doesn't totally fuck up my life) has no generic and costs fucking thirty bucks a month for me, money I do not have. I also don't have forty bucks to spend on a psych visit, although I know once I get through this back pain, maybe that will all be for the best.

I went and saw my new chiropractor this morning, again the stimulation, heat, graston tool and he did a slight adjustment, much different then what my other chiropractor would do. My other chiropractor would crack me to the point where it would make this very loud sound, to make it sound like he had done something great, only to feel no relief after. This guy, barely any loud audible cracks, but a definite decent feeling after. I start PT on Monday and I have a follow up with him after, i'm hoping it goes well and by taking the initiative to strengthen my back, this problem will start to get fixed.

I just can't help it though, I know stress bad...push it away, but I really cant help but think about it. How this guy totally screwed me over, how my doctor can just completely not care, how Unum may not approve my short term disability and I'll have to go back to work and suffer. I want to write a bad review about that chiropractor, because somehow there aren't any online about him (that's why I went to him, I thought I was making a good decision), I want to warn people. I just don't want to get sued...but maybe a letter to his office may be a good route. he also gave me his home phone I may feel inclined to pass that around to a few choice drunk people from time to time...hehehe...

Friday, February 15, 2013

I get woken up this morning with a phone call from Unum, they are handling my short term disability claim. My fucking chiropractor put neck pain as the main reason i'm missing work and underneath it he put stress from work (which would then make it a workers comp claim!) At this point they can't even approve my claim and he's making it sound like im faking it! He didn't even mention the back pain. Maybe the stress from work initially caused this pain, but that's not why im not working. i'm not working because i'm in pain, I cant stand for long periods of time, I can't concentrate because of the pain and get my job done. It's been over a month and I haven't seen even the slightest improvement, I have to take about 4 vicodin a day for the pain. Although, I made an appointment for PT, I called and made an appointment with my primary care doctor. But after talking to the woman from Unum, even once they get all my medical histories, I will still, unlikely be able to stay on disability. I feel like such an idiot. I didn't get the MRI because it was too expensive, I went to this chiropractor because I needed help, and he never gave it to me, all of a sudden it just turned into this shit storm. I've never been to a chiropractor, so I don't know what to expect, so when he says it's a process, I believed him. I believed that the first few treatments wouldn't provide any relief because they fucking didn't. I went to him BECAUSE I wanted to go back to work, I didn't want to be in pain when I was there. And now look at the position I'm in? Because he filled out the paperwork and put that shit down, even if I get my second opinion from my primary and a physical therapist, it doesn't matter. And even if I do decide to file it under a workers comp claim, I'm not seeing a therapist, I dumped my psychiatrist a month ago because he wasn't helping and all he was doing was feeding me Xanax. I'm fucking screwed and this fucker knows it. After I left his office yesterday, he knew I wasn't coming back and he had to fuck me over some way...

I don't know why this is happening to me. I don't know why i'm in pain, I don't even trust his diagnosis anymore, I didn't get in an accident or fall down the stairs, it just happened one day and hasn't left. I want this to be fixed, as much as I hate my fucking job, I want to be well enough to at least fucking do it. I feel so let down, so just lost and I have no hope in anyone. Yeah, my doctor can help a little, maybe. Yeah, the physical therapists might be able to get me on the road to recovery, but that I know actually takes time.

I just can't get over the fact, that I went to this guy because I felt I had no other options and up until yesterday I thought he was actually helping me. I feel so fucking stupid. All of a sudden he's just fucking me over right and left, the second I walked into that office, money signs probably popped into his eyes...

Thursday, February 14, 2013

where'd all the good people go?

So for a few weeks I've been seeing a chiropractor for my back, with little improvement, but he kept telling me it's a process so I told myself I just needed to be patient. I guess there were a signs along the way that make sense now but I decided to ignore. I'm on short term disability, completely unable to do my job, I had to take at least three weeks off of work to get better. I've been doing a trial with my chiropractor and today he wanted mark to come in so we could discuss where my treatment was to go from here. Right along he's been telling me that this is an injury caused by stress, just causing things to not line up properly and that after a few weeks I should be good as new. Then he starts telling me it could be 12 weeks to 8 months until i'm back to normal. He goes on and on about how he's not one of those doctors who wants you hanging around the office, and he wants to get you out of there as soon as possible. My thoughts going into this meeting were that he would give me exercises to do from home to help me improve my situation, and Mark was there so he understood was expected of me so he could help. Suddenly, he's launching into a story about how my back is totally out of alignment and that i'll need to be in therapy for over a year, in the beginning seeing him up to 3 times a week, or degeneration will begin. Now, hold on a second...why hadn't any of that come up in any of my prior sessions? In fact, when I think about it, he gave me no advice on what to do outside the office at all. Not even whether I should use ice or heat. And anytime I had gone to see him, I never felt even the slightest relief after a session...that's not how chiropractic medicine is supposed to work. Mark was pissed and I could tell, he was cold, and biting his tongue as much as he could. Me, I try to at least listen to a shpeal of bullshit and then never call the person back. So his receptionist/wife came in and went over the expenses, it would cost me over three thousand dollars to do this and a year of my time! oh but they had a great deal going on, put down half the money up front and they take off three hundred bucks! yeah right...

It just pisses me off. I went to that office because they were nice people, who seemed like they really could help me at a time where I was so lost and just so helpless, only to be scammed. I decided to call a physical therapy office in enfield, although they can't schedule me for a physical therapy evaluation until next Thursday she said she would have me meet with their chiropractor so I could get some relief. At that point I didn't even realize you could get relief from a chiropractor, I thought it was a "process." Also, before their chiropractors crack you, they loosen your muscles with like electodes and apply either ice or heat, because apparently, just cracking you isn't the most effective route to take. Anyway, I think that by taking action and strengthening the muscles in my back and neck, maybe getting a few massages and learning a few exercises at home, i'll be in much better hands and my wallet will be in much better shape as well.

Monday, February 11, 2013

It's been a little over three weeks now since I hurt my back, how I did it I still don't know. It started as a dull pain behind my eyes turning into a full on migraine by lunch time. Then a knot in my neck, then pain throughout my entire back, legs, arms, everywhere. its different everyday, but always present. I wake up, step outside with a cigarette and my coffee and slowly it starts creeping throughout my back, into my neck, down my legs, and evolves from there. I've missed a lot of work, I've tried going in a few days only to ask the pharmacist if I could leave early, after sitting on a stool most of my shift, then they look at me all irriatated and angry. I've been seeing a chiropractor but like he says it's a process and like he said to me today, it could be 12 weeks to 8 months before i'm feeling better, which really got me down. what really pissed me off was during my Friday shift, I didn't have to sit for most of my shift but I was in a lot of pain, but asshole pharmacist was on. I called my doctor, I had been out of pain meds for a few days because I had to take them more frequently then prescribed because of the level of pain. So he called them in for me. I filled them as a waiter. As the pharmacist is checking them, he can see im in pain, also he has about three other girls on with him, also there is a blizzard outside and the store is closing early. So instead of sending me home early, he checks them and says, "Stina, you script is all set," and goes on with his day. I couldn't believe him. then he sends another girl home early. I was pissed. It's vicodin, I cant take it and then drive through a blizzard, I was furious.

My chiropractor believes this whole condition was brought on by stress, mostly because of my job and once all of this is over, he really thinks I need to find a new one. Mark was going over our finances and also came to the same conclusion. But I don't even know where to start when it comes to finding a new job. I'm really starting to think i'm going to have to go on a medical leave of absence because i'm in so much pain, especially when I have to stand there for 9 hours a day. you are in that much pain. its also impaing my ability to even to my job, it's hard to concentrate when its causing a lot of other issues too. I cant sleep at night because i'm so uncomfortable. I cant eat, I've lost 11 pounds in three weeks, and the thing that scares me the most about that figure is the fact that I've been constipated for a lot of that time because of the pain meds so how am I losing this weight? im running out of options at this point, we don't have much money for me to continue seeing a chiropractor, and even though my parents offered us money, Mark and I aren't the types who take handouts. But it's kind of hard to concentrate on getting better when your working 40 hours a week with an unsupportive cast of assholes...

Saturday, February 9, 2013

It's called common sense

So my state get two feet of snow dumped on it last night, to the point where when I wake up this morning and I try to go outside for my morning cigarette and I can't open the door. I was supposed to work today, the first Saturday I've been scheduled in like six months or maybe even longer, figures, I get scheduled during a blizzard. well I text my manager asked if there is a delayed opening, I have no cable so I have idea what the road situation or anything is, I just know it has to be bad. no open until 12...then an hour later...1pm. Well, my situation looks pretty bad, I live two towns over from work. Also, when I look on line the governor didn't just close the highways, but all the roads in the state. Also, I hurt my back about three weeks ago and I cant touch a shovel, doctors orders, so I cant dig myself out of this driveway.

Well, the morning is carrying on and i'm expecting a text message declaring the store closed. There is no reason for it to open. why make us all drive out there, risk our lives, for no customers? There are twenty four hour pharmacies for people who need them, if they really really need them. It's called common sense, it's a Saturday, so only 3 techs and one pharmacist would be on, why open the damn place, make these four people drive out there for a five hour shift? well, the governor just declared the roads to remain closed until 6pm, my pharmacist cant even get out of his driveway and he cant even get to the store if he wanted to. My fiancé is still sleeping and hasn't even begun to shovel so even if they wanted me there, I ain't goin. but the common courtesy of a little common sense and text message saying store closed and not having make the governor declare, "NO DON"T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!" would be nice...