Thursday, March 21, 2013

so while Mark was on vacation 2 weeks ago we sat down one afternoon to look up wedding stuff, each of us on our individual laptops. while I looked at the same old websites at the same boring places, he went on priceline and mapped out a trip to Hawaii, flight and even the wedding with ukullali player and taped wedding service for around 3 grand. To me, this solved all of our problems. Nothing stuck out to me as I looked at places in the Mass/Ct area. Everything was too expensive, causing us to throw a lame party and have no money leftover for a honeymoon. I didn't know who to invite, seeing as most people who were my friends, suck ass. His friends would show up most likely in jeans and not even bring a gift. My aunt would get too drunk. Not only would we have to stand in front of a bunch of people, which would make us feel awkward and uncomfortable, we'd have to dance in front of them as well. We'd have to get some crummy DJ that would play songs like the electric slide and wouldn't have any punk music. I'd have no bridesmaids because woman suck and I don't get along with them. We would have to worry about stupid shit like flowers and whether to add a vegetarian dish to the menu. I wouldn't get sushi. Nothing about the whole planning of the wedding experience brought me any joy. I watched as a friend of mine got engaged just 4 months after me, and she is speeding through her wedding plans. If I sat down to try to plan this thing, I got overwhelmed and was more tempted to drive down the street to the town hall, sign the papers and call it a day. But I know that isn't how I want to remember it.

I went out to lunch with my parents today and my dad brought up the question of, "So is this thing still on?" I hesitated...see...I didn't bring up Hawaii for a while because I wasn't sure how my mom would handle it. "I can't see my baby get married? Oh my god" and I imagined her storming out. My grandmas pictured me walking down the aisle in this huge princess dress, while they balled their eyes out...but that's not how I pictured it. So finally, I had the courage and I threw the idea out there. they both suddenly confessed that this was something they saw me doing all along and that they couldn't picture me doing a conventional wedding. My mom was the one who said, "This is your day and if this is what you want, we support it." Seeing as 3 grand was around the lines of how much they wanted to spend in the first place, they are on board to help us fund the trip. This is amazing. Suddenly all these horrendous plans and putting things off, is lifted from my shoulders. Instead of some intense ball gown that I will sweat to death under, becomes a simple, elegant, light white dress. I don't have to wear shoes, I'll be on the beach. Instead of trying to imagine my fiancĂ© in a suit jacket and tie, which I couldn't see anyway, he's in a nice button down shirt and his least ripped pair of khakis. No flowers for every single table, just the ones in my hand. No huge few hundred dollar cake but a cake for two. Dinner at any restaurant we want, sushi, steak, vegetarian dish, who cares, we can eat what we want. We can have the ceremony taped, come home, throw a backyard BBQ and leave it on in the living room on a loop, so anyone who so desperately wanted to be there, can see it. Now the day is just how Mark and I want it, a day that is actually about US, instead of a day that is posed as a day about us, but really isn't.

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

So two of my friends are getting married this summer, the wedding is in Vermont and up until this week when I received my invitation I wasn't even sure I was invited. well, every time I see this friend she makes me feel unappreciated, belittles me and has made me cry the last like 5 times I've seen her. We don't talk. she comes to town and doesn't call me and if she does, we see eachother for maybe an hour. Anyway, the friendship has been downhill for years and I don't even care for her much. The same weekend is an amaaazzzzing music festival in Canada, Rancid, the dropkick murphys, social distortion, mighty mighty bosstones, Against me (basically every single one of my favorite bands in one place!!) the tickets are about two hundred bucks for me and Mark and that's not counting a hotel, food and gas, but if we can swing it, we are going and skipping the wedding. Does that make me a bad person?

Thursday, March 14, 2013

23 going on 84

So I've been noticing some comical things I've been doing and saying that make me feel really old. I needed a new pair of sneakers and I was bored on Monday before work so I went to platos closet to see if they had any cheap shoes in my size (notice I love saving money, the good thing, I wasn't carrying around coupons). I found a pair of chuck taylors relatively close to my size and I was about to try them, I haven't owned a pair since high school and thought hey they go with everything I should get a pair, then I thought about my back and said, "oh they have terrible arch support," and I walked away from them. it wasn't until a few days later that I wanted to kick myself in the teeth, i'm fucking 23, why the fuck should I care about arch support?

While my back was hurting, I was on an anti-inflammatory, I had to take it with food and couldn't lay down for like 20 minutes after taking it or i'd get heart burn. I waited too long to eat one day because my family was going to Texas roadhouse for dinner for my moms birthday. My brothers picked me up and I told them to rush because, "I need to eat so I can take my back pill." I sounded like a 101 year old man. I also noticed this when I first was diagnosed with acid reflux. My dad would offer me coffee or orange juice the morning after I slept over their house, "Oh no, I didn't bring my medicine, I'll be regretting it all day."

I also started enjoying listening to Fleetwood Mac, waking up at 7am, thinking that 11pm is too late at night, and complaining that music is too loud. I always considered myself an old soul but this is getting ridiculous. I'm off to find a punk show close by and get sloppy drunk so I can act my age...

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

I'm all for people trying to spread awareness and shit. People with diseases, animals that are abused, whatever. But when I'm scrolling through my facebook newsfeed in the morning starting off my day with a cup of coffee I really don't need to see pictures of pitbull puppies with chunks of flesh missing from their bodies and shit like that. That is just going above and beyond to me when it comes to spreading awareness. This is why I stopped watching the news, it's fucking depressing, and for someone like me, i'm not desensetisized to this shit. It truly fucking bothers me and I cannot go throughout the rest of my day without thinking about this shit. Just this morning I saw a picture of a kill shelter and literally a massive pile of dead healthy cats and just below it a picture of an infant baby with a MASSIVE abnormality growing on it's head. These two people, I'm not close friends to and also are constantly posting this kind of shit, I finally got around to deleting them. You wanna post this shit, fine, get a fucking blog, join a fucking cause, but I don't need to fucking see it everyday. I'm not saying this shit is right, I know it isn't and it needs to stop, but throwing it in my face isn't going to do anything but make me lose my breakfast, make me cry and ruin my day...
So I went back to work on Monday. I decided to adopt the I don't give a fuck attitude everyone else has, I care way too much about my job and it's given me nothing but anguish and a bad back. So far it's really working out for me. Laughing at the issues at CVS is really more effective then taking them to heart. Like, when my pharmacist heard from my lead tech that she had called the help desk about a fax machine issue but apparently it wasn't good enough so he spent two hours calling the help desk and our district manager himself and refused to check a single prescription in all that time. So when he was checking 8am scripts at 1pm, I stood behind the 4pm baskets I was counting and chuckled to myself because I was caught up, it was his own doing, I was right on track. Or, when the kid with the dopey eyes who works two jobs and goes to school was on the phone for 40 minutes and there was just three of us on and the work was just falling over us, I rang out my customers with a smile and just kept saying to myself, "Well, I'm out at two o'clock today, I don't have to clean up this mess." because you know what, that's what everyone else does...

At 2 o'clock, I told the pharmacist see ya later and he had this desperation in his eyes, this begging for me to stay later because out of stocks weren't scanned and no one else was coming in for another hour and he had four huge stacks of unchecked, red baskets but he didn't dare ask, he just turned to the lead tech to tell her all the things they should have been doing all morning, the things I could have told him, the things that he should have known because he's been in the business for over 20 years...but he gets preoccupied with stupid shit...and I laughed and laughed as I grabbed my things and went home and made a thanksgiving day sandwich and had a nice relaxing evening. I'm sick of giving a shit, caring if shit gets done, following people around to see if they are doing the job right because you know what, I don't get paid enough for this shit and it's not my job. Mark just told me Costco is going to start their employees at $11.50 an hour. To start. that's more than I make now and I've been at my job for over 5 years, and the amount I had to learn, the stress and the hours I have to work, no, that's not worth it. So that's enough, you get what you give, so unless CVS wants to pay me what I really deserve, this is what they get, no more going above and beyond, staying late, coming in early, working two or three stations at once or pulling my hair out because I'm so overwhelmed...I'm not letting this job or these people get me down. I'm not saying I'm going to do a bad job, no, I'll do that same great job I always do, but I'm doing MY job, but not Sara, Angie, Kyle and everyone elses on top of it...