This is a vow to myself to never give up, there is always a reason to keep living. there is always a reason to keep trying. there will always be people who see me as irreplacable. there will always be someone who cares. today, i start trying. today, august 29th, 2011, I'm done with my old ways of thinking and doing. i want to be a happy energetic person. I will find a way to quit smoking. I will start working out again. i will have some form of control over my diet. i will take care of my body and stop doing harmful things to it.
I vow to work hard on my mental health. i will try to not be ashamed of things i do or say. this is my life and i will not waste it dwelling on things that i cannot change. i will try new things, talk to people, make my own friends, surround myself with people who care about me, who are positive influences on my life.
I will be wiser with my money so mark and i can start our lives together. i will stop being a selfish, spoiled bitch. i will hold my family close to me. I will treat mark with nothing but respect and love, i will never give him a reason to see me as untrustworthy. i will stop letting my depression and my emotions destroy this relationship.
the past is gone, i can't do anything about it. I can't sit here and let it destroy my life. The people who were once in my life were there when i needed them, i can't expect them to always be there. We may be on seperate paths now but there is always a reason for that. If i'm meant to see them again, i will, and i will be there with open arms, thrilled as can be that they are back. until then, they have made their lives without me and its time for me to pick up the peices and build my life up again. There will always be other people who can make me happy. There is always happiness within myself, i just have to put some fucking effort into my goddamn life again.