my happiness project

I started reading the happiness project this weekend because i had heard some good reviews about it. Although, to give the writer the benefit of the doubt, there are some good bits of advice in the book but it's not exactly what i was expecting or what i have been looking for on my path toward happiness. For one thing, the writer does not know what it is to be depressed. in fact, she writes from a point in her life where she is in a career she loves (a writer), with a husband she loves, children she adores and is already happy but realizes one day she could be HAPPIER. All the big decisions of life seem to already be sifted through, like going to college for a certain degree and getting a career. This isn't what i'm looking for as my life needs a complete overhaul in just about every department. I'll finish the book anyway but it's only got me thinking about what needs to be done in my life. I've tried making elaborate lists of what i need to do but i stick with it for a day or two and its back to the old routine i go. But i'm wasting my life. Work, sleep, read, eat bed.. what kind of life is that? where nothing is being achieved, i'm not being challenged, i have too much time to sit and dwell on whats not being done that i get so overwelmed i decide doing nothing is better than completing one or two tasks. So i'm starting small, and began today.

It wasn't a particularly good day. My energy levels are completly drained. I have bronchitus and even with the 60mg of prednisone and my large dunkin iced coffee, i find myself faltering around 3pm. I went to bed around 11:30 last night and slept until 12pm! And still i felt as though i had no energy to speak of. But i forced myself out of bed, no matter how much my body and mind nagged me for more sleep. Marks family is away for the weekend and mark worked today so i took advantage of this time in the house to myself. Just me, toots and the dog. So i started cooking. I made a pasta salad and a chilli dip. I watched one of my favorite shows, took some time to sit on the deck and read my kindle. Then i challenged myself. Any physical activty lately is a huge feat for me. We went to the batting cages and hit some golf balls yesturday and i came home ready for a nap. So today, i grabbed the dogs leash and i took him for a walk. I told myself it would be short, up the side street, a bit down the side walk and than back down our street home. But by the time i reached the top of pierce, pirate seemed in a good shape and i asked if he wanted to keep going, he seemed keen to the idea. So i headed to the next street over, walked down it, looped around and back up the side street, then back down the side walk and home. Had to have been at least a mile or two and what a difference it did for me. I was sweaty and my legs hurt but i had energy. i was awake. And my mind felt so much clearer than it has in so long. And after that, i started weeding out my room, getting rid of clothes, clearing the clutter, and i already feel better with the fewer distractions sitting mockingly all over my shelf space.

So i've decided, since at this point in time i cannot make that commitment to get myself to the gym, than a walk about the block before or after work it is. And it's nice because i have my furry companion to come along with me. Instead of making a massive list of things that need to be done in my life, i've decided taking on at least one new challenge a day, no matter how small, building up to the big stuff. Maybe if i see little improvments, the big stuff will come along easier.

I just don't identify with this book though. This person didn't have nearly half of the shit i have to tackle. I have to quit smoking, find a career i want to pursue, go back to school, get nationally certified, find a job i love, get organized, get more exercise, eat better, stop eating ramen noodles everyday, lay off the candy, build a better realtionship with my boyfriend, find a group of friends that works for me and embrace those relationships, get my energy levels up to par, keep appointments and stop backing out of engagments, take up a hobby, go through that huge folder of guitar tabs and actually learn them, write more, keep a journal, tend to this blog more and make it a better space, use my camera, watch less tv, manage my money better, get a fucking house, build a fucking family....it's so much....

But one step at a time baby! I can do this and one thing i did learn from this book that i've never really looked at before is this, it's not the destination that really matters. i need to be happy with the journey, because it's not the future that really matters ,even if i accomplish these goals, more issues will arise, more things will need to be figured out...i need to be happy NOW!