pokey

I should have known after the dream i last posted that something bad was going to happen. Later that night i got a phone call from my brother saying pokey had not eaten or drank anything in three days. I immediatly got in the car and sped over there. i held her and could just tell something was wrong. The next day i got up early and drove over again. I held her and realized she was in pain. I made an appointment to have her put down at 11:30. At 10:30 she ate two cucumbers. So we went to have her checked out. the doctor gave me false hope and i remember calling mark and saying everything would be fine. After work i went to pick her up and bring her home. I took her to another doctor on saturday. They basically justified my fears. I spent the weekend with her. Trying any type of food, baby food, her favorite carrots, more cukes, freeze dried apples, basically anything i was eating but nothing. I left out a dish of water that went untouched. I tried everything. I knew she was close and kept telling her everything i wanted to say before she went. We said goodbye serveral times. Monday i called out and was going to take her in to put her down. at this point i was the only one she let pet her. I carried her around in a little box everywhere i went. They would not let me in the room when they did it, so i opted against it. We spent all of monday snuggling and it was a beautiful day. She was very sweet. I put her to bed that night thinking this would be it...i kept it short and sweet. Woke up the next morning (tuesday) and she was still there. I questioned what she was waiting for. Couldnt find coverage so i had to go in for 2. I was in hysterics as i tried to leave the house, truely believing this would be the last time i'd see her. Worked, trying to hard not to burst into tears and yell, "I quit" and bolt out the door and race home to her. Called mark and he said she perked up as soon as he picked up the phone. KB came in to cover for me because shes a sweetheart and i bolted home. She snuggled up on my chest and burrowed her head into my neck, everytime i moved even slightly she burrowed closer to me. I told mark to put on G-force and she lay beside me, getting weaker and weaker. I didn't really cry as i sat there trying to comfort her. I just talked her through the movie and acted as if it was any normal day. Mark kept hitting pause when she started to look worse but i kept saying, "Lets just finish the movie." When it ended she started to have trouble breathing, we didnt really speak as she lay close beside me and finally let one last breath out...and she was gone. I smiled as i said, "Wow, she really had to see the end of G-force before she could go."
We buried her last night. I decorated her shoe box and put a picture of the two of us together. I took a pallet and made a tombstone where i wrote her name, dates and "Beloved pig to all". I'm trying to keep moving but my life has been at a standstill since this all happened. I love her so much. i have my memorys...she will always mean so much to me. And as much as my heart is breaking right now, i know shes in a better place and she's happy. I know i'll never have another animal that can look me in the eye and all i can see is love.