fuck

I feel myself slowly falling back into my lazy ways that i trained myself so hard not to do over this past year. i find myself looking at the massive amount of things i have to get done and instead of tackling them, i smoke a bowl to my face and stare at the tv for a few hours. I'm just tired of working so hard for no what feels like no reason. We're moving and it's finally hitting me that this is a step back, not forward. Although i have all the hope in the world that a year from now we'll have enough money and be buying a house my dreams of geting a bachlors in social seems unachievable once we get house. How the hell do i pay for both? When i told mark i would be taking four or five classes this semester, he got pissed because i dont have enough money in my financial aid to pay for all my classes and books, he says i am just adding to my debt. But i need to do this. School for the first time feels like it matters to me. I feel like its my only way out of the life i'm living now, and i dont want to be stranded at asnuntuck only taking 3 classes a semester and being there for four years. I am so stressed out, i have to get this house packed and everything over his parents house within like a week or two. i had to request a weekend off just so i can have my family come by and help me clean this house till it's spotless so we can get our 2 month security deposit back. I requested these days off at least a month ago, and now someone else is trying to get this time off and my manager is trying to tell me that this a problem and that i might have to work. ITS SUPPOSED TO BE FIRST COME, FIRST SERVE!

I just have so many frustrations i'm dealing with right now. Not having a car is killing me, Today i have a ride to school but no ride home, so that gap between my two classes (2-6:30) i'm stranded at school and if they arent serving food today, i'm fucked. This is a good thing only because i will be forced to get some work done. I just feel so trapped, i fucking hate my job and i'm just getting to the point where i can't bring myself to go in there. Everything is so fucked up, everyone is selfish and a fucking asshole. My lead tech is incompetent and only works the shifts she wants to and throws shitty shifts at people like me. I have been asking for earlier shifts for at least a year now, yet we have people from other stores, or a girl who only comes in twice a week (and i dont really even know why she still works with us) and now we have some new girl that we hired for nights but there she was working a 9-3 this morning. And i'm so sick of the nine hour shifts, i dont even really have to work them as she always schedules me 8-9 hour shifts on saturdays anyway...and i'm sick of the excuses when i ask for something to change. I just prey everyday that comcast will call me. And even if that somehow doesnt pan out, i hope that after running into the pharmacist at 750 who said he wanted me to come over there finds a way around addie and nate, because this stress is killing me. no one should have to work in the type of atmosphere that we have. I am becoming a nervous wreck because of this fucking place and everyday that i come in and find that something hasnt been done AGAIN...i am almost at the point where i will punch her in the face and just walk out...

Just to let you know, i was never this angry of a person until i started working for cvs...