Monday, July 12, 2010

push play

We're just getting tired. His work fucks him over so bad and they have him waking up at four in the morning to go to work five days in a row. My boyfriend is not a morning person. If he knows he has to fall asleep at a certain time, he stresses and lays there all night frustrated. Its making him miserable. I'm basically not going to see him this week and because of the weather we have to sleep in the living room with the air conditioner. Which means when i get out of work tonite, i'm basically stuck going to bed because he'll be sleeping. My job isn't any better. And i know i'm stuck there because i start school soon. I'm not going to be available on tuesdays and thursdays so any hope of getting a nice secretary job or job at the hospital is basically gone. We feel stuck. We want to get out of this house that is falling apart around us. We want new jobs and we want to actually be working towards our future together. But we are just stuck here. We feel like i expend all our energies on keeping a roof above our heads and the water running and the electricity flowing but we have nothing to show for our work. We have no fun anymore. We barely even see eachother and its just starting to weigh us down. I just feel lost as to what the hell i should be doing. Everyday i wake up i just want to pack up our things and just move far far away and not tell anyone. Every day i walk into cvs i have this incredible urge to just say, "Ok, fuck this, i'm out of here" but i know i cant do any of these things. I know i dont have it in me. I wish i was spontanious like i used to be. I wish i actually had friends that i could call on when i needed them.

Right now, life as i see it is a meaningless job with no future in sight, a house that is collapsing, a boyfriend i never see, absolutly no friends and me not working towards anything...i dont know why i'm still sticking around sometimes...

1 comment:

the Music of the Night said...

you can call me whenever, doesnt matter what time or place. you kno that right? it will get better hun, you wont be at cvs forever or living in that house forever its just temporary. keep your chin up cuz this world needs a lot of Stina in it!