so while Mark was on vacation 2 weeks ago we sat down one afternoon to look up wedding stuff, each of us on our individual laptops. while I looked at the same old websites at the same boring places, he went on priceline and mapped out a trip to Hawaii, flight and even the wedding with ukullali player and taped wedding service for around 3 grand. To me, this solved all of our problems. Nothing stuck out to me as I looked at places in the Mass/Ct area. Everything was too expensive, causing us to throw a lame party and have no money leftover for a honeymoon. I didn't know who to invite, seeing as most people who were my friends, suck ass. His friends would show up most likely in jeans and not even bring a gift. My aunt would get too drunk. Not only would we have to stand in front of a bunch of people, which would make us feel awkward and uncomfortable, we'd have to dance in front of them as well. We'd have to get some crummy DJ that would play songs like the electric slide and wouldn't have any punk music. I'd have no bridesmaids because woman suck and I don't get along with them. We would have to worry about stupid shit like flowers and whether to add a vegetarian dish to the menu. I wouldn't get sushi. Nothing about the whole planning of the wedding experience brought me any joy. I watched as a friend of mine got engaged just 4 months after me, and she is speeding through her wedding plans. If I sat down to try to plan this thing, I got overwhelmed and was more tempted to drive down the street to the town hall, sign the papers and call it a day. But I know that isn't how I want to remember it.

I went out to lunch with my parents today and my dad brought up the question of, "So is this thing still on?" I hesitated...see...I didn't bring up Hawaii for a while because I wasn't sure how my mom would handle it. "I can't see my baby get married? Oh my god" and I imagined her storming out. My grandmas pictured me walking down the aisle in this huge princess dress, while they balled their eyes out...but that's not how I pictured it. So finally, I had the courage and I threw the idea out there. they both suddenly confessed that this was something they saw me doing all along and that they couldn't picture me doing a conventional wedding. My mom was the one who said, "This is your day and if this is what you want, we support it." Seeing as 3 grand was around the lines of how much they wanted to spend in the first place, they are on board to help us fund the trip. This is amazing. Suddenly all these horrendous plans and putting things off, is lifted from my shoulders. Instead of some intense ball gown that I will sweat to death under, becomes a simple, elegant, light white dress. I don't have to wear shoes, I'll be on the beach. Instead of trying to imagine my fiancé in a suit jacket and tie, which I couldn't see anyway, he's in a nice button down shirt and his least ripped pair of khakis. No flowers for every single table, just the ones in my hand. No huge few hundred dollar cake but a cake for two. Dinner at any restaurant we want, sushi, steak, vegetarian dish, who cares, we can eat what we want. We can have the ceremony taped, come home, throw a backyard BBQ and leave it on in the living room on a loop, so anyone who so desperately wanted to be there, can see it. Now the day is just how Mark and I want it, a day that is actually about US, instead of a day that is posed as a day about us, but really isn't.