I started re-reading the happiness project because I really need to start my own. it got me thinking, it is almost impossible to undertake all the tasks that I want to do in big steps. Losing 40 pounds, planning an entire wedding, quitting smoking, finding a new job...doing all that is pretty damn difficult when there are so many other issues in my life that need to be addressed. I have a lot to be happy for and a lot that i'm not appreciating today. so I made a list, a list of tiny ways to improve my situation that if done consistently can get me a little closer to my goals without overwhelming me and forcing me to quit but make me happier in the long run.

• Say no to five things everyday (a candy bar on my lunch break, that second cigarette on the drive home, watching one more episode of It's always sunny in Philadelphia before doing something important. Granted I have to remind myself that it is saying no to something bad, not saying not to the gym or eating my vegtables)
• find a way to let it go (I let things my boss said to me, fights with my fiancé, stay with me for weeks on end and nibble away at me and fill me with unhappy, unhealthy emotions, no more, I need to forgive and forget)
• do one physical activity for at least 20 mins daily (play dance dance revolution, lift weights while I watch tv, fuck, run around the house, anything. Eventually, I can boost the 20 mins to something longer and more beneficial for weight loss)
• Walk it off (walking can boost energy levels and relieve stress. Also, i'm sure the puppy coming home next month would enjoy it.)
• I don't need to talk shit or take sides (this one is mostly for work. there is so much bad energy in that place, we all talk shit about everyone, even people I consider friends. I need to just shut my mouth, do my job, and stop poisoning myself with this gossip)
• At least 2 meals daily have to be healthy decisions (no dunkin donuts breakfast sandwich and stouffers mac and cheese for me)
• take minimum 2 classes at the gym weekly (I was doing this and mark asked me yesterday if I had lost weight, I jumped on the scale, in two weeks I lost six pounds.)
• eat first thing in the morning (this one is hard. I'm hypoglycemic, if I don't eat, my blood sugar drops and I get cranky and sick for the rest of the day. the issue? my stomach issues make it so I am not hungry for at least two hours after I wake up, my gag reflux does not allow that food to go down my throat. Just gotta force it down)
• meditate 15 minutes a day
• watch less tv
• feeling frustrated? do something creative (write, paint ceramics, glue some pictures out of a magazine into a collage, anything)
• write even if I have nothing to say (I read this in the artists way, you had to do morning pages, 3 hand written pages even if you had nothing to say to get the creative juices flowing. it was really helpful, until I stopped doing it..)
• if I feel like pigging out or being lazy...avoid the first level of my house (just seeing that comfy couch and bowl of Christmas candy trigger my lazy senses)
• bring a camera...use camera (I used to take pictures all the time, and because of that I have tons of pictures from good times with my friends. Now, Mark and I have barely any pictures together)
• listen, don't wait for my turn to speak (this may be why I don't have a lot of friends and I hate conversation)
• If I feel overwhelmed...shut off the phone (again, pertaining to work)
• avoid facebook (it's a time sucker! a waste of time! and it makes you feel bad "Oh why can't I have as many friends as that person." or "they look like they are having an awesome time without me" shut it down.
• be more open to meeting new people (I went to a few classes at my gym and I noticed after I left that I left myself completely unopen to conversation, I sat in the back of the room, scowl on my face and arms crossed, before classes started. I wouldn't talk to me either!)
• if I have any doubts...don't drink (if im in a bad mood, haven't eaten enough that day, don't want to drunk call or text my friends...best to avoid the sauce)
• keep a positive blog (im such a drag on this thing...I only open it up to vent, that's what my nice leather bound journal is for)
• keep a food journal (keeping track of what I eat, can hopefully provide better eating decisions)
• write it out, fold it up, forget about it (my boss pissed me off, my fiancé is a slob, I did something stupid, write every single thing that happened, how it made me feel, open up a bottle of wine and burn it in my firepit and forget about it, move on bitch)
• remember, any positive step is a good step (I often forget the good things that happen to me or good things I have achieved, I let the bad decisions cloud the good so often)
• clean before bed (i'll feel better getting ready for work if the house is clean and I wont feel so overwhelmed)
• don't leave it for sunday (that mountain of laundry, my disgusting bathroom, mopping the floor, sunday should be for relaxation, not cleaning up Monday-Saturday clutter)
• show love/appreciation. (i'm not the only one who needs positive feedback, mark does too, if someone does something nice, show how much it made my day)
• live in the moment, forget about what is to come (so often, mark and I will be playing around but the only thing running through my mind is what i'm making for supper, my work schedule the next day, when im going to have my next cigarette, I need to cease these thoughts and enjoy what is happening in the now)
• before driving home for work, leave it at work (this could possibly be when I do my daily meditation)
• eat out less (its unhealthy and expensive. also, this sounds sexual...haha)
• think before every purchase (I spend too much money, on stupid shit. do I need everything with hello kitty on it? do I need this pack of cigarettes? will the smoking meditation cd for 40 bucks really benefit me? will I use it?)
• learn new recipes (soooo sick of the food I can cook!! this could be fun for me and mark, a nice challenge and rewarding. And not make me want to go out to eat all the time)
• give something up
• don't ignore primal needs (so often I put off or don't address whats bothering me, I need to go to the bathroom but I don't feel like it, im hungry but I don't want to cook. Not just toddlers get upset and cranky if they don't get enough sleep, get off your ass and do it!)
• if I lose something, clean (I stole this from the happiness project. I will tear apart the house trying to find my keys, and before I run out the door see I made a massive mess, leaving me more frustrated than when I couldn't find what I was looking for. If I clean, not only will I find the item, everything goes back where it is supposed to (preventing future losses) and I achieved something)
• have an indoor activity and outdoor activity with Mark (so often our spending time together is either going out to eat or sitting in front of the tv, not much time for a good conversation or bonding. I was thinking a board game, learning to play guitar in his jam room he worked so hard on, and golf. I love golf, i'll admit it)
• if all else fails, write a list (I love lists, but I never follow through with them. but it is relaxing, getting all those racing thoughts of what I have to do or what I have done on paper)
• read daily, even if its only before bed (I love to read and it's important to keep my mind stimulated, I need to fit it in my day more but not let it consume me like I used to)
• everyone has negatives, concentrate on the positive (so often I will meet someone or talk to an old friend and sit there and concentrate on every negative thing about that person, making me dislike them. yeah this person has negatives, but what is good about them? I'm not the best either, unless there is something I cant get around (this person is a murderer) try my hardest to like them
• let the sun in (we live in a cave, curtains always drawn, sunlight kills germs and promotes positive feelings, draw the curtains)
• feeling sad? laugh, watch a funny cat video (so often I get sad and I want to remain feeling sad, nope, cant have that)
• smoking is not the solution to boredom, hunger or sadness (my solution to everything, especially on the weekends is to smoke, "I don't know what to do with myself" smoke. "Im hungry but I don't want to cook" smoke. "My best friend hurt my feelings" smoke.)
• don't wait for the phone to ring (why aren't they calling me? i'm so bored...why wont my friends call me? I have to make the first step sometimes too)
• if it pops in my head, do it (nagging tasks. so often I realize I need to do something, like scrub that ring of filth out of my bathroom sink, it sits on my brain like a parasite until I finally get around to it hours later. just do it already and then I can forget about it)
• don't wait for tomorrow (so often I say, Monday I start doing this. why wait another day to not do something and eventually just not do it anyway. start now, it takes 21 days to make something a habit, that's one less day where it's hard)
• drink more tea
• sing on my way to work and on my way home (to prevent traffic frustration, smoking and relieve stress. Also, so the world can hear my killer pipes)
• if I want a cigarette, wait ten minutes (one day, i'll stop staring at the clock, get caught up in a task and a few hours will have gone by without even realizing it...then I quit eventually)
• Xanax is not the cureall to all of lifes problems, neither is any other pill (I rely on pills for everything, stomach aches, head aches, sleep, depression. I need to find healthy solutions to these problems instead of popping a pill and hoping it will fix everything)
• dump my psychiatrist, get a therapist (psych visit-no talk therapy, $40 copay. Therapist-someone who actually listens, $15 copay...its an easy decision)
• scribble down all ideas, whter they sound dumb or not, better to remember a bad I dea then forget a good one
• don't always say no to sex
• if ive seen it, don't watch it (I have watched every American dad, king of the hill, south park, family guy...why do I still watch them daily)
• use cash, not the debit card (yeah, its easy to spend with a card, but to actually count out that cash and watch it slip away, might prevent a lot of unnecessary purchases)
• plan my wedding, ask for help if I need it, remember this is a good day (I've had so much trouble planning the greatest day of my life. I have very few friends, and was so wrapped up in the fact that I have no bridesmaids. why does that matter? I'm marrying my best friend, I don't need no bitches up there with me.)

What can you do to improve your life?